And now a lighter one :)

I figured that since I haven't written any blogs in a while, I should go ahead and get a bunch out of the way while I am on this website ;) Don't feel like you have to read them all in one sitting!

Seriously thought I have back logs of journals and pictures from our recent trip to California that I want to post and some Halloween Party fun that merits some blog shout outs... I blame facebook

Anyways, I just wanted to let all of my faithful readers out there (all 5 of you) how awesome my pear, asiago, rosemary scones turned out! I am not a regular or confident baker, so when things come out just right I get really excited. I even altered the recipe just a bit and got a hint of honey on the top that just adds that extra pop to make them stand out.

From Southern Living Dec. issue:

Preheat oven to 450

1. Mix 2 cups flour, 1 tbsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp salt, 3/4 cup finely chopped pear, 1/2 cup grated asiago cheese together in a large bowl. 
2. Cut in 1/2 cup cold butter and mix together until it looks like the consistency of peas
3. Freeze for 5 minutes
4. Mix 1 tbsp finely chopped rosemary and 3/4 cup plus 2 tbsp whipping cream.
5. Pour cream into flour mix and stir until moist
6. Place dough on wax paper and form into desired square/rectangle (about 1- 1/2 inch thick) 
7. Cut into desired sizes and place on lightly greased baking sheet
8. Brush with extra whipping cream and drizzle with honey
9. Bake for 13-15 minutes 

YUM! There are 8 other varieties in the magazine... I  may just try the chocolate chip ones next. 

What are you excited about making for Thanksgiving this year? 

Questions

Although I do have an overwhelming sense of Shalom & Serenity this morning... I still have a lot of questions. 


Another part of my time with the Lord includes reading scripture. For the past 6 months or so I have been doing this chronological bible study... basically where you read through the whole bible in chronological order... Did you know that its not actually set up that way? Go figure it would be confusing :) 


Well, the reading plan I got is helping by putting things in somewhat of an order for me. The bible is reading more like a narrative now. 
A story about God and God's people. 


I am loving seeing how things fit together, but boy do I have  A LOT OF QUESTIONS!! 
Some of them I am even hesitant to ask out loud.
I shouldn't still be wondering all of this stuff, right? 
Maybe I'll never know the answers... 


I have been considering starting a new blog, just about questions... I'm sure you have them too... would that be interesting? 


One question that I faced today was, "Did the folks in these times (I am currently in the middle of 2 Kings and 2 Chronicles and will be reading Jonah tomorrow) experience serenity? How? Where do I see this? Where don't I? How come? What does this mean? Anything?" 


I do find that in the Psalms, in the midst of anguish there is a sense of trust and hope. I wonder if that is a piece of Shalom shining through?? 

Serenity/ Shalom

Each morning I try to spend some time with Jesus reflecting, praying, reading and listening. Sometimes I can't shut off my brain enough to focus and other times the peace of just being still washes over me...

This morning was one of those days. 

I was given a devotional book, "Daily Strength for Daily Needs" that simply includes daily verses, poems, prayers, and thoughts from people over the centuries. There is something beautiful about connecting with women and men who have served Christ faithfully and abundantly from long before I was even around... humbling, perspective giving, and grace filled. 

Its not that a specific quote stood out to me today; rather that the Holy Spirit sent a gift of serenity to my soul. Just an overwhelming presence of peace. 

Then serenity prayer came to mind... 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. One day at a time. Amen

Although, this prayer is often used for addicts and in recovery. I believe that living into this reality can wash over the anxious places of our hearts.  It prompts me to walk in confidence that nothing is too big for God or too scary to face. 

I am thankful that our Creator desires Shalom-- presence of peace-- and that in some moments we get to taste it... all things being made right around us and in us. 

This Thanksgiving Holiday take some time to embrace serenity...

Where might God be bringing you to a new level of courage and wisdom? 

Where can you find serenity in the often hectic moments of our broken world?

By doing this, we might end up tasting a bit more than turkey... we just might taste the Kingdom of God! Delicious!!

Tears are powerful

The rain we are having in Raleigh echos the way that my tear-ducts have been feeling over the past month... a severe emptying. For a long time in my life I saw tears as weakness and difficult feelings as "non Christlike" somehow I was supposed to be able to walk through life without pain, and the pain that I did have was only helpful if stuffed way down inside until I could see the beauty of it.

Ya know where that left me, almost dead! When I was 21-22 I entered inpatient treatment for an eating disorder and got lots of therapy and help to deal with these misconceptions of truth. I grew and learned a ton and since then my life has not been easy, but has been full of pain and joy in many ways. I love it!

What I didn't realize is that I thought the learning I did then was complete. I thought that I now had wisdom and insight to share with others and that my family was fixed and my ability to express and understand myself was fixed... I knew that I needed to continue to be honest with my symptoms, but didn't think I had more emotional work to do... I had already done so much!

Well, Jesus has an alternative plan for my spiritual growth. I just can't escape the depths of God's desire for me to experience life to the full, which includes tears. I am currently leading a study on a book, The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Peter Scazzero and came across this exceprt from the Chronicles of Narnia:

Eustace, a young boy, becomes a big, ugly dragon as a consequence of being selfish, stubborn, and unbelieving. Now he wants to change and go back to being a little boy, but he can't do it himself. Eventually the great lion Aslan (representing Jesus) appears to him and leads him to a beautful well to bathe. But since he is a dragon, he can't enter the well. 
Aslan tells him to undress. Eustace remembers that he can cast off his skin like a snake. He takes off  a layer by himself , dropping it to the ground, feeling better. Then as he moves to the pool, he realizes that there is yet another hard, rough scaly layer still on him. Frustrated, in pain, and longing to get into the beautiful bath, he asks himself, "How many skins do I have to take off?"
After 3 layers, he gives up, realizing he cannot do it. Aslan then says, "You will have to let me undress you." To which Eustace replies: 

I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desparate now. So I just lay flat down on my back and let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right to my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt... Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off-- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt-- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft... The he caught hold of me... and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again... After a bit the lion took me and dressed me... with his paws... in these new clothes I'm wearing. 


I'm sure that I am not done shedding layers, but its amazing to see the beauty in the pain and not to run from it. I don't like to doing the hard work of letting Jesus take away my darkest parts, but I will continue to do that and can think of no better way to live.  

Can a large female please sing for me?

Its been months since I've written here, but our latest saga merits more than the characters I can fit in "What's on my mind" on facebook...


Words, where are they when you need them?? I am finding myself at a loss to express the emotional roller-coaster we have been through over the several days... let me see if I can go for it...

Waiting to close on the Culter house... everything seems to be a go, just waiting on the final details. Anticipating a great deal in a great neighborhood...

Ring Ring... "Hi Robyn Marshall" (AKA-- Amazing  Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams)

"Hi Traci. Hope you are doing well... we have a few updates and I just want to keep you informed on where we are in the process..."

**At this point the deal was that we were going to need to rent to the seller after closing for a few days-- No big deal from our end at this point**

BTW-- Do you see this amazing kitchen (both Matt and I can be in there at the same time :))


Tuesday, Aug 24-- My emotions-- desire to control, excitement, anticipation, longing for our new house, willing to be patient-- in my mind I thought... lets close early and get this guy out of there...

Wednesday, Aug. 25-- I woke up and went for a long run (training for a half marathon) and ran by the new house... up until this point I must confess that I have had a very bad attitude towards the seller and the situation. Prayer is a big part of my runs and I was able to actually release those feelings of anger and bitterness as I passed by the house and started feeling a sense of peace about the whole thing and that made for a great day... I thought I was going to be able to walk from here on out drama free...

La de da... on my way to home group...

Ring, Ring: "Hi Robyn" (AKA fabulous and hardworking woman who got this thing taken care of!)

"Hi Traci, I just have few updates for you and want to let you know what is going on..."

**At this point I pulled my car over... Apparently we might be in jeopardy of losing the house. Shady Loan Shark for the Seller was continuing to change and update the amount our Seller owed him... more than what we were willing to pay**

"Okay", I thought to myself, "Its gonna be okay." Robyn and the other agents and lawyers involved are working on this and it seems like the logical decision to sell us this house for all involved. I'll keep a positive attitude.

**We might loose this beautiful staircase and chandelier**

Being an external processor I start running mouth on all of the possible scenarios, but am trusting that it will work out the way it 'supposed to' (whatever that means).

**Have I mentioned yet that we have renter moving into our Peebles house on Sept. 15th?** Thankfully that sense of peace I gained maintained me throughout the next few days. Praise Jesus for that one.

Anyways, Thursday is a waiting game... at least for me, come to find out that our agents were working around the clock in negotiations with this Lender to come to some kind of agreement... we were kept well informed, but not brought into to many of the stressful and shady details on the seller's side.

Friday, August 27th-- The day of sorrow--

So, Robyn meets with Shady Loan Shark on Friday morning... I am awaiting a call to tell me that he decided to be reasonable... 10AM, 11AM, Noon... Lunch with a friend... still haven't heard yet... I start thinking, "This can't be good"... then around 2/3PM John Pace calls me  (you see John and Robyn work together and John helped us to buy our first house). Again, I think, "This can't be good"...

So, he lets me know that its all falling apart. The Loan Shark is being very unreasonable and there isn't really anything else we can do at this point...

**So the thought of having this gorgeous front door flashes through my mind as a distant possibility**

We start dealing with reality... we are going to lose $$, we are going to be homeless in 2 weeks, we are going to have to clean out our house and move somewhere??

Loss, Grief, Remorse, Fear

**Oh yeah, Matt is playing golf at this point and Monday is his birthday day**

He finally gets home to me moping around the house waiting for the Smith's to show up and take us out to "celebrate"...

I think I said about 2 words at dinner, Kim tried really hard to have conversation with me, but I was pretty much locked in my own little world trying not to scream and processing everything. I thought I was at peace, but Matt started getting upset about... If you know Matt very well he is one of the most even mannered people who I know and when he was expressing his disappointment, it made it even harder for me and the worst part was, I couldn't do anything about it.

Sat. Aug. 28th-- Tossing and turning I woke up to mow the lawn and have an intriguing conversation with a neighbor friend (another blog post to cover that one)... start cleaning and doing stuff... isn't there something that I can control around here??

Well, we ended up going to a few wine tastings and driving around Raleigh until I got to release a bit of steam and have fun with friends at an awesome Batchelorette Party.

I come home at 1AM to find Matt had gotten the 2 for $20 special on steaks and LoneStar and was watching Inglorious Bastards... I guess we all deal with loss differently... we were learning to let go and holding out hope.

Sunday, Aug. 29th-- Thankfully we had a busy day and kept ourselves occupied. We started to come up with a few plans for living and resigned ourselves to losing the house.

**We are going to have a shower with 2 heads!**

Highlights of the day: Seeing Scott's new place , having a few great meetings and finally JUMPING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE!

We were letting go... all the while informed that the realtors are still working...

Monday, Aug. 30th-- Matt's 30th Birthday-- This day we tried not talk about, but started thinking about options and enjoyed a great night together eating good food (that I made and it turned out good!) and going to the driving range to let off some steam... home early and got an email from Robyn again... still working on it, going to throw some "hail mary's" in the AM and see if we can still work this out...

Matt was still hopeful... I was kinda like, "sure"... Sleep was good last night...

Tuesday, Aug. 31st-- OFFICIAL CLOSING DAY!!

Ring, Ring: "Hi Robyn"

"Hi Traci (really she talked to Matt), but somehow it all worked out" We would be closing at Noon... if we still wanted to...  it was about 10AM...

I requested that Matt come home... lets talk this over... what in the heck??

Talk about an emotional roller coaster... I was shaking on the inside. Craziness!!!

So, shower and over for a last walk through and onto Sandman and Muphy for our closing.

So, we are now official home owners of 2 houses... and how do I feel?? ...

**GRATITUDE for a very hard working agent and her team Robyn Marshall and John Pace--  I know she had to even give up some of her commission to make this happen. Amazing and fun to work with at the same time. Two houses in and we will continue to go with PRG/Keller Williams in the future (although I hope it a long long time before we go through buying another house)

**RELIEF we are not going to be homeless

**ANTICIPATION for cleaning and moving and finding our way in our new space

**THANKFUL  for friends who have been supportive and generous with their listening and offering to help.

Okay, so that was a ton of info... I need a nap!

Sabbath Thoughts

Over the years I have entertained a variety of thoughts about what it means to 'keep the Sabbath'... if Christians are called to do that still, what God really intended for the Sabbath day and how far we probably are from following what the Lord was thinking.

The Jewish religious leaders didn't seem to get it at the time of Jesus and I know I don't get it now... when was the last time I truly "rested"... and what the heck does that mean?

So, this morning I was reading in Isaiah and found this verse... chapter 58, verse 13--

Keep your Sabbath day holy. Don't pursue your own interests on that day, but enjoy the Sabbath and speak of it with delight as the Lord's holy day. Honor the Sabbath in everything you do on that day, and don't follow your own desires or talk idly. 


So, the thing that kicked me in the face? "Don't pursue your own interests on that day"

This is seems almost complete opposite of how I have looked at the Sabbath (when I have)... in those moments, I have asked myself... okay, its the Sabbath, what do "I" want to do? -- The sabbath is for me, right? (ha!)

**SIDE NOTE** I am not saying that our interests are always contrary to God's interests, I'm just saying that my sabbath moments would look different if I asked myself, "What would bring God delight today?"

I haven't come to any conclusions, but thought this insight was worth sharing... I hope you have a great day today and maybe you can ask yourself today-- (regardless of the day of the week)


"What would bring God delight today?" -- and do it! 

Truths to Pass along

I just started reading Here I am Lord... Send somebody else! By Jill Briscoe

In all honesty I started reading it a while back and put it down because I couldn't get into it. But, recently my homegroup started doing a study on Faith and it addresses a lot of what we are talking about so I picked it back up again.

At the end of each chapter there are a series of reflection questions... one of them asked me to consider what 5 truths I would want a child I had in my care to internalize... After a bit of reflection here is what I would pass along.

1. You are blessed to be a blessing.
2. God loves you-- no matter what! 
3. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart Jesus has overcome the world. 
4. You are special inside and out--a creation of the Lord Most High
5. Joy and peace are abundant in Jesus Christ. 

What truths would you pass along? 

How confident are you in what you would want a child to know?