Friday, February 19, 2010

More of you God and Less of me... do I really mean it??

As you may know, we are currently 3 days into the season of Lent... a period in the Christian calendar that leads up to our celebration of Easter (Christ is Risen!!! Risen In Deed!!)... Anyways, part of Lent is taking up spiritual practices or sacrifices that lead us deeper into our true need for a savior. This year I am not giving up anything specifically, but am praying the prayer... "God, more of you and less of me." 

To help me actually live into this prayer I am reading a devotional with several others from my church family... The title is "From Fear to Love"...

I would say that I'm not afraid of much... at least not on the surface, so this should be an easy one for me right?? NOPE... It just so happens that at the same time I am currently facing several major freak outs areas ... just ask me and I'll tell you, but will spare the internets all the details!!

In the midst of my angst... I woke up and read this... thanks Henry Nouwen.... (or God's spirit speaking through the words you wrote)

Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly. Isaiah 58:8

In the light of Divine Love, we are encouraged to enter into our deepest hearts, often hidden even to ourselves. There we actually touch God's light, and discover more and more our desire for that presence within. It's where we experience God saying, "I love you so deeply. I want to be present to you in all your 'lost' places so you will know not just your lostness but also in how many places I long to find you." 

This is an exercise of communion: to sit with God in the inner chapel of your heart and to say, "I've heard so often of your love but I just don't believe it. Mostly I believe that you only wish to judge me, but today I'll remain here in your loving presence, and present myself to you in all my vulnerability." Heart speaks to heart. 

This is not to say, "Well, you'd better start thinking about how awfully dissipated and resentful you are. No! This is to say, "When your're in touch with your dissipation and resentment, you're in touch with the very places that God waits to touch in you more deeply, and to heal you." 

Forgiving God, I fear to stop. I need love and want love, but I fear what you might ask of me... 

I want so badly to listen and enter into the fear and embrace what God is doing inside of me and around me. Here we go... 37 more days... what else will I learn??


Kim Smith said...

You are so good about sharing your heart, Traci. I love that about you! Give me a call if you want to talk about your "major freak outs areas" - I'm here for ya! Love you!

Mandy said...

Thanks Traci for sharing. I am glad you are blogging again lately. I enjoy reading and hearing your heart!

オテモヤン said...