Thursday, September 30, 2010

Tears are powerful

The rain we are having in Raleigh echos the way that my tear-ducts have been feeling over the past month... a severe emptying. For a long time in my life I saw tears as weakness and difficult feelings as "non Christlike" somehow I was supposed to be able to walk through life without pain, and the pain that I did have was only helpful if stuffed way down inside until I could see the beauty of it.

Ya know where that left me, almost dead! When I was 21-22 I entered inpatient treatment for an eating disorder and got lots of therapy and help to deal with these misconceptions of truth. I grew and learned a ton and since then my life has not been easy, but has been full of pain and joy in many ways. I love it!

What I didn't realize is that I thought the learning I did then was complete. I thought that I now had wisdom and insight to share with others and that my family was fixed and my ability to express and understand myself was fixed... I knew that I needed to continue to be honest with my symptoms, but didn't think I had more emotional work to do... I had already done so much!

Well, Jesus has an alternative plan for my spiritual growth. I just can't escape the depths of God's desire for me to experience life to the full, which includes tears. I am currently leading a study on a book, The Emotionally Healthy Church, by Peter Scazzero and came across this exceprt from the Chronicles of Narnia:

Eustace, a young boy, becomes a big, ugly dragon as a consequence of being selfish, stubborn, and unbelieving. Now he wants to change and go back to being a little boy, but he can't do it himself. Eventually the great lion Aslan (representing Jesus) appears to him and leads him to a beautful well to bathe. But since he is a dragon, he can't enter the well. 
Aslan tells him to undress. Eustace remembers that he can cast off his skin like a snake. He takes off  a layer by himself , dropping it to the ground, feeling better. Then as he moves to the pool, he realizes that there is yet another hard, rough scaly layer still on him. Frustrated, in pain, and longing to get into the beautiful bath, he asks himself, "How many skins do I have to take off?"
After 3 layers, he gives up, realizing he cannot do it. Aslan then says, "You will have to let me undress you." To which Eustace replies: 

I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desparate now. So I just lay flat down on my back and let him do it. The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right to my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt... Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off-- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt-- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft... The he caught hold of me... and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again... After a bit the lion took me and dressed me... with his paws... in these new clothes I'm wearing. 

I'm sure that I am not done shedding layers, but its amazing to see the beauty in the pain and not to run from it. I don't like to doing the hard work of letting Jesus take away my darkest parts, but I will continue to do that and can think of no better way to live.  


Anonymous said...

traci- i am so 'full' for you...grateful and blessed to read these words. beautiful indeed. love, mom

Car Insurance said...

Like the roses need the rain. Like the poet needs the pain. We can't live without sharing.thanks for your awesome blog.Best regards!

PRAHALAD said...

Simple Copy And Paste Jobs At

Are you really fed up with recession and want to overcome this. If you can manage the time than SMART SOLUTION will show you the way where you can earn from HOME. For more details E-mail us at
Visit :

Leighton said...

Nice work!

Writing is a gateway to any world we choose.

Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

shedding some tears is indeed powerful :)

it defenitely works for me..

Rodspeed said...

I really like your post. Life is about the highs and the lows. You cannot have one without the other. The only escape from this is to numb yourself with prescription medication. As the good book tells us, there is a time to laugh and a time to weep. Keep on writing!

Challenge Yourself

Anonymous said...

I like your blog

借貸 借錢 借錢 借貸 票貼 借貸 借貸 借貸 借貸 借錢 借錢 借錢 借錢

借錢 借貸 借錢網 借錢 支票貼現 借貸 借貸 借貸 借貸 借錢網 借錢網 借錢網 借錢網

chelsea said...

Your blog is really interesting and full of motivating thoughts, keep up the good work,!

Internet Marketing Vancouver | Plumber San Jose

Anonymous said...

he actual Oughout Benjamin Pineda Gomez stated he previously zero name or even information about the person who diedDressed up in the olive airfare Ed Hardy go well with in addition to helmet, the actual emporer who is minute inside series towards the throne satisfied the large chopper on the Nike Air Max normal water many times throughout an hour or so Two of this alerts faulted the organization for the crisis reply and pipe deterioration Ed Hardy Shop Corporation spokesperson Alan Jeffers explained there was zero primary association amongst people problems and also the direction failureIn DALVAY BY-THE-SEA, Prince Edward Area (AP) Burberry cheap Prince Bill enjoyed showing his or her army heli-copter instruction with his first-ever h2o landing Saturday to the pleasure involving nervous throngs in Canada, Cheap Air Max exactly where he / she with his fantastic better half, Kate, have been getting their first recognized international excursion considering that the weddingOhydratesTransport Section Air Max 2011 speaker Patricia Klinger claimed the organization features because answered the warnings as well as the circumstance seemed to be sealed The item says "testing Cheap Air Max Shoes this weibo

Anonymous said...

Your region's save finance, the European Personal Steadiness Service, is going to be permitted to get ties from the extra market should the ECB deems which necessary to deal with the actual dilemmaBanks and insurers Cheap Nike Air Max may under your own accord change their particular Ancient greek provides for extended maturities with reduce interest rates to help you AthensThe leaders likewise made thorough provisions pertaining to constraining the destruction if perhaps, seeing Cheap Air Max that appears to be likely, credit history organizations file Portugal to be in temporary go delinquent -- the initial these kinds of occasion inside the 12-year good your dinarThe technique to Thursday's deal appeared much Cheap Air Max Shoes harder by contending nationwide pursuits along with household politics daily schedules, and also the unwieldy character in the euro zoom decision-making Furthermore, you will see the relationship buyback structureThis ECB relented along with signaled it Air Max Shoes was ready to enable Greece standard momentarily beneath the approach, though Trichet told correspondents he or she would not need to prejudge whether or not that will come about"It truly demonstrates, inside Eleventh hour or Burberry cheap so, management through the european sector commanders,Inches claimed Niels Via, chief professional from NordeaSarkozy said following summit that will France as well as Germany makes suggestions right at the end involving September concerning how to Discount Burberry help the government from the bloc, to be able to "clarify the eyesight into the future from the dinar areaThe actual pound as well as Western european stocks rallied deliberately upon information from the appearing Discount Burberry Cheap option

Anonymous said...