Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Family Fun

Tonight Matt and I had dinner with my brother and sister-in-law. It was delicious (thank you Danielle)!

Then we went together to work until midnight. I studied for my second midterm as a PhD student and Matt estimated a detailed job (he is actually still at the office as I am typing this, its 12:48AM).

So, My commentary is on how hard it is often to understand ourselves and to trust God in the process. Somehow my brother and I feel burdend to perform and perform well. We both (or I should speak for myself more so) want to live up to some standard that we have set for ourselves. I think this has to with what other people think, what we think God thinks, and what we think matters... its very complex inside the Paxton head...

I didn't think I was going to cry or be as honest as I was with them. I don't have a history of being completely honest with my brother (with out the aid of a therapist) and it felt good to be able to say exactly what I was feeling. My how we are growing!

I am encouraged. I am encouraged that they are taking 40 days to pray and seek God in the matters of their life. I am encouraged to listen to God and let go of some of the should's in my life. I am encouraged that I have a husband who loves me, laughs with me, and helps me to let go of perfection.

But Matt and I struggle too! We both are facing changes and challenges and questions of what our purpose is. Sometimes its chyrstal clear and sometimes is a mystery. We face jealousy and fear, but we live with hope and faith.


Anonymous said...

I love you guys. i'm so (I wish I knew Greek or something cause there's no English word for it so I'll go with..) 'proud' of you for being 'real'. You help all of us. mom

Anonymous said...

it always amazes me that the best 'new philosophies' always sound ringly like scripture..and then we mess with it and put our human twist and ...without redemption there is just more trying to get it right and never doing that. i sure don't want to live that way, but i guess a lot of people do? i think my daughter is very cool by the way.. anyone who agrees, please post a comment!!(Traci- i promise never do do this again!)the mom

Corey Paxton said...

hey traci,

i had a great time with you guys last week. thanks for sharing your heart with us, and i am praying for you during this time.

you are loved