Family Fun

Tonight Matt and I had dinner with my brother and sister-in-law. It was delicious (thank you Danielle)!

Then we went together to work until midnight. I studied for my second midterm as a PhD student and Matt estimated a detailed job (he is actually still at the office as I am typing this, its 12:48AM).

So, My commentary is on how hard it is often to understand ourselves and to trust God in the process. Somehow my brother and I feel burdend to perform and perform well. We both (or I should speak for myself more so) want to live up to some standard that we have set for ourselves. I think this has to with what other people think, what we think God thinks, and what we think matters... its very complex inside the Paxton head...

I didn't think I was going to cry or be as honest as I was with them. I don't have a history of being completely honest with my brother (with out the aid of a therapist) and it felt good to be able to say exactly what I was feeling. My how we are growing!

I am encouraged. I am encouraged that they are taking 40 days to pray and seek God in the matters of their life. I am encouraged to listen to God and let go of some of the should's in my life. I am encouraged that I have a husband who loves me, laughs with me, and helps me to let go of perfection.

But Matt and I struggle too! We both are facing changes and challenges and questions of what our purpose is. Sometimes its chyrstal clear and sometimes is a mystery. We face jealousy and fear, but we live with hope and faith.