Thursday, August 23, 2007

Okay, Yet overwhelmed

AHHHHH....

That is what my head and heart are feeling right now. This is what I expected. This is what I feel like at the beginning of every semester... will I be able to do it? will I be able to meet my own expectations for myself? will I let people down? what if I'm not as smart as I think I might be? what if I hate life for 3 -5 years? what if I can't stand the projects I'm asked to do?

Then there is the other side of me: I am okay. I don't have to be perfect. I can do it. I just need to try and do my best. I can be okay with whatever my grades end up being. I can balance life. I may not love every moment of everyday. I may find surprising insights that I would never get to think about if I wasn't getting my PhD in a new field. I may realize that I hate what I am doing. I can always change. I may love what I am doing. I can take one step at a time.

Well, I have taken too much time posting, back to reading about American Federalism.

Oh yeah, and in the grand scheme of things the world does not revolve around me.

4 comments:

Shannon Smith said...

Matt, good luck.

Patrick said...

ha ha, shannon's a punk

traci said...

so funny! I think the blog alleviates some of the spazzing that Matt experiences. So, thank you guys for reading it!

Corey Paxton said...

you are right, the world revovles around hannah