Thursday, January 10, 2008

Wisdom teeth

I am going to get my wisdom teeth out on Feb. 5. At this point I am not nervous and am just ready for those third molars to get broken up and taken out, but yesterday I wasn't so confident...

Matt got his teeth out last year and I remember him telling me that there was a chance he would come out deformed, if the doctor cut a certain nerve that runs along the jaw. I was nervous for him, but decided that I would still love and accept him regardless of what his face looked like. Our love does run much deeper than physical appearances. His surgery turned out fine and I forgot about that risk, until yesterday morning.

I was sitting there talking to God and thinking about my day during breakfast (oatmeal for my heart yesterday) and all I could think about was the risk of having a deformity. I was making myself crazy. What would my face look like? Would I be able to look in the mirror? Would people at Visio Dei be able to take me seriously as a leader if I looked like a freak? Would my husband still find me attractive? Would everyone start feeling sorry for me?

I prayed, I thought to myself, God, you might just do something like this to teach me a lesson, I am sure being vain right now... then I got scared that God was going to spite me, so I started making all of these really spiritual responses in my head as if I could trick God into seeing that I wasn't focused on my external appearance... then I started laughing... and took a deep breath...

God does not spite people. I can trust that. I would be okay even if I was deformed. It might be challenging, but being beautiful isn't what life's about. I was still nervous.

At the dr.'s office I had to watch a video about all the bad things that could happen to you if something went wrong.

The video encouraged you to ask questions.

So, I did.

What would my face look like if you cut my nerve?

The dr. kindly alleviated my stress by saying that I wouldn't look any different. Relief...

Obviously I still have a lot growing to do.

6 comments:

Kim Smith said...

When we first met, I had just gotten my wisdom teeth out and you were surprised because I looked so "normal" and my cheeks weren't all swollen like people imagine. Do you remember that? It wasn't bad at all and I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about! You will still be beautiful, no matter what.

traci said...

I do remember that. Thanks Kim.

Anonymous said...

you have grown so much!! you asked for information @ your health!!YAY!!

Patrick said...

i suggest you build a 4.63 day supply of ice cream. various kinds. after day 2 the same kind gets really old...

Meg said...

NOW WHY DID YOU POST THIS?
My surgery is 9:30 am tomorrow morning and they have to grind back part of my jaw bone that is in the way.

At least my face will look the same.

Nieta said...

You may have given me the courage now to stop procrastinating as I've done for years, and schedule my own extraction!

Oh, and the thought of a couple of icecream-only days is a pretty nice motivator too. :)

Hope you're doing well!